Meg's blog

Hi God :0)

       

  Great and Holy God,

Thank you for your word. Thank you for giving me a choice. Thank you that you would never force anything on me, but that you gave me the right to choose-and I choose you today God. I choose life. Thank you God that there is no temptation that you have not provided a way out, and equipped me to face. Thank you for healing me. Thank you for forgiving me, and for making crooked paths straight. God, your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path-It is infallible. You are not a man that you should lie. Thank you that when I read your word, I can believe it for what it is. I just turn my eyes, and my heart to you right now God, right here in this moment, I surrender every thought. I ask you to Search me and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Anything that is in me right now God-that you don’t want…Take it away. I surrender it all to you. Open the doors that you want to be open, and shut those that need to be shut. Your word says that you will give your angels charge over me so that I won’t trip over a stone God…Keep my heart pure God. Even good things-maybe things that you have given us, or good friendships….when thought about too much can cause our thoughts to stray…God every good and perfect gift comes from you, You are the giver of good gifts…Help me to be thankful for the good gifts, but not focus on them so much that I don’t spare a thought for the one that put it there in the first place.  I love you. In this moment, I know that I need you..Help me not to forget that when I look at the things that you’ve created..It all comes from you. Thank you reminding me of that-Your are so good. You are the best teacher there is. Thank you for your wisdom,  that you give to all liberally and without reproach. I take up your armor right now God. I take up the breastplate of righteousness to guard my heart. Help me remember that I am not my own.  I put on the belt of truth and the helmet of salvation, and the shoes of the gospel of peace. Last, I take up the sword of the Spirit which is your word, which is my weapon to confess when I feel like I’m about to fall. Even when I feel defeated, your word says that I am more than a conqueror. Thank you God.  Thank you that you are my source for all comfort. Your word says that I am comforted so that I can comfort others. I pray that you would give me the anointing, and the boldness to take every opportunity I can to comfort others who need it, and fulfill the great commission. Open my ears to hear you. With all of my planning and dreaming God, you still direct my steps. I choose to be obedient to you right now God.

July 30, 2010

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You are glorious, and more than able to fill the emptiness that I've been feeling. I come before you right now, knowing that I am where I'm at because of your great grace. I'm here because you called me out. But lately there is a pain in my stomach when I think of him. God...You see my heart. I can't hide it from you. I can't pretend that I'm not hurting. But this is the life that I choose, and the life that I want. I want you Father. Your word says: Draw near to me, and I will draw near to you. I want nothing more than your nearness Father. I understand you have to break me to build me up again, my Abba...So have your way. I surrender to you and ask that you would do what you need to in my heart and in my li8fe. You know the desires of my heart God. I want to be loved. I want to be married and have babies someday but I don't want to do it my way. I want the man that you have picked for me...He's out there. There's part of me that's afraid that there is no man who will love me besides him. Help me with that fear God. God, I will believe you, by choice-I will choose to believe that whatever I ask for in Jesus name I will receive...So Father, I ask for a man whose passions are your passions. I ask for a man that will help me to stay pure until we are married. I ask you to mold me into the kind of woman that kind of man will want in Jesus' name. I ask for someone to love me. In the mean time I will be content to live life-just you and me. Become more real to me Father. It's on the tip of my tongue to say you just don't know how much I want you and need you...But you are God, you see all things. You do know. And you want me even more. I'm reaching for you God. Your very spirit is holding mine. How much nearer could you be...But still, I want more. Holy Spirit, I'm aching to be held. The cry of my heart is just to feel your nearness. I know I'm secure. Thank you God. Thank you for answering my prayers and knowing each one before I speak them. I need to hear your voice. I pray in Jesus' name that anything that separates or prevents us from being as close as possible would be removed. You've given me life. You've forgiven me, even after all of the nasty things I've done and said, and though�I could never begin to repay you I still want to pour out everything I have...My whole life, all that I am, py past, my present, my future...Anything in between...I give it up to you I need you, Oh how I need you God. Scoop me up in the palms of your hands and don't let me slide through your fingers... Beautiful God, Hold me close. I want to dance to the beat of your heart. I want to know you. I want to know what you want from me, what you would have me do with the next step in my life. I want to communicate with you want to know your ways...I want to be full of your word and speak them out of my mouth. I want to reflect the love of Christ...I want to be useful to you God. Show me how to bless your heart God...Even now your heart is blessed by my desire for you, but I want to bless you even more. Jesus I want these hands of mine to never let go of you...what's ever on the right and on the left...The world has nothing for me...You are moved not by desperation...My need for you feels so desperate, but it's my expectancy that will move you..I expect you to speak. I expect you to move. I expect you to hold me when I need it the most. I expect you to be right here, closer than my heart. People say "God runs to the rescue" but do you even have to run? Before my eyes open and close, you've heard me. I need just to be with you Jesus. There is no one greater. No one more able to fill my needs. His love is a memory...but yours is eternal and extravagant. You are my peace. Fill me. You are so much more than I can express...I only want you. I can already feel you....I just want to stay here. If I stop writing I'm afraid some thought besides how good you are will enter my mind, and I don't want it to. It's good to dwell on your goodness...Right now, I feel like there's nothing else in the world. Everything else has faded. You are all that matters; you are all the eyes of my heart can see. You all I long for and all I need. It's you God. Sweet and gentle Father. Who could have imagined a God so great could be so gentle with his touch...The same hands that formed the Earth and all that is in it, so softly cradling one's innermost being. You are my father. I've always known it. But I've never felt it like this. My heart is so completely yours, I don't ever want to get up. Draw me more God. There is no love like your love. There is no peace like your peace. You are so wonderful. I want to worship you with my life. There truly is no one like you. You have saved me. How could I ever doubt your love? Thank you for meeting me here. Thank you for being my Dad. It's so amazing that you love me even after all my sin, but you took it ALL away. It's all gone, and all there is, is your child who loves you and loves this place of grace and mercy, and loves being yours. I love myself right now. I love myself...I can't hate what has been in your arms and is purified by your presence. I like myself in this moment. Have I ever liked myself God? This is so new...I feel like I can never look at myself or you the same again I love you. I love you, you are real. You are so real. You've answered the deepest cry of my heart. Thank you.

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1/24/10 He was listening. :)

 

       Jesus...Thank you for today. Thank you that I was able to go to church. Thank you for my pastors. Thank you for my job. Thankyou Jesus that I can trust you. Thank you that you have numbered my days, you know how many hairs are on my head. Thank you that you knew me as I was being formed in my mother’s womb. Thank you that you breathed life into me. Thank you for your grace and that you do not deal with me as I deserve. I worship you Jesus and lift up your name right now. You are Holy Jesus. You are Pure. You are the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end. You are my provider and my savior, my advocate and attorney. You are worthy Jesus. You are real and living. You are the one who is and who was and who is to come-Glory to you God...Thank you for the blood of Jesus that cleanses me from all un-righteousness. You are faithful and just to forgive  my sins when I confess them to you. I pray tonight that my fervency would be for you will. Thank you Jesus that because of your work on the cross I am declared righteous. Thank you for making me clean Thank you that you have called me to offer sacrifices of praise...I praise you Jesus...You said you would never leave me or forsake me...Thankyou that I am not alone, that you Yearn and long for me Father. I need you. I can't get through this season, or even this night without you. I need your grace working in me. I need your Holy Spirit pouring out of me. I need your wisdom to make good decisions. I choose life Jesus. I choose you. Strengthen me to choose life and not death, your way and your will not my own. Make a way God. Fill me up with your Spirit. I slept with my boyfriend tonight...But I believe in your forgiveness. Strengthen me to make the right decision God. I'm scared. I don't want to live without him. Help me to trust you to fill my needs. There are so many things that I need to do God. I need to find a way to walk in purity and go full throttle with you. Thank you Jesus that even now you are filling me with an even greater longing for you. Teach me how to walk with you again. To be honest Jesus-I feel like I’m trapped right now. But I know the way to break out of this is not to sit back and accept my fate, but to praise you, and believe your word. Jesus I believe your word right now.  I'm confused...I love him so much and don't want to let him go...but I need my love for you to be greater. I want to grow in you Jesus. I'm frustrated, and torn, and my heart hurts. I need your help and I need to know what to do...I'm asking now for your wisdom. Take my stupidity and lack of judgment please. I surrender my human perception, and pray right now for divine discernment Jesus. I pray for faith Jesus. Show me how to quit hitting these walls Jesus. I want your ways and your word and your life, your purposes, your will your desires, your motives and your agenda God...to absolutely consume me. Take my focus off myself and break my heart for the lost, even as I feel lost myself. Create in me a clean heart and renew a loyal spirit within me. I will not be ashamed of your will. I will not be ashamed of your truth. Purify me Jesus. Touch my lips with a coal cleanse my lips and help me speak things that are edifying. Make me humble and teachable....

 

1/29

Jesus thank you for grace today. Thank you that I am saved by grace through faith. Draw me back to you Jesus. Thank you for reminding me what real life is about. Thank you for the fellowship time I got to have with Katie yesterday. She has been such a blessing to me. Thank you God for blessing me with relationships with other believers. Thank you Jesus for the good day I had at work on Wednesday. Forgive me for having sex...when we were walking together, I was afraid to talk about you. I need the power of your Holy Spirit to make me bold again. I don't want to be afraid to open my mouth and speak your wonderful truth. Your word says that you have not given me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. I pray as I fast tomorrow you would begin to break my chains and equip me to stand my ground, to speak up for you, to live life according to the convictions you've given me.  Father God, I pray in Jesus' name that you would give me the boldness...I will not worry. You will get me through this. Prepare me God for persecution and to be mocked and help me to stand firm in my faith through it no matter who says what, give me the words to answer...Help me god. I want a relationship with you. I want to be in your presence again, because in your presence is the fullness of joy. Bring me back to a place of passion, longing, not for what was but simply for a deeper and more intimate walk with you. OPEN MY EYES to see and my ears to hear God. Give me wisdom and understanding. Open my mouth to pray to you tomorrow...Thank you God. I pray all of this in Jesus name. AMEN

 

1/31

Dear Jesus, I was just remembering that night I sat in Erik’s kitchen-and I whispered that desperate prayer. There was a knife haning right above me and I wanted to take my life. "The mists of Avalon" was open on my lap...I thought I was away from your presence forever...But God you brought me back, you redeemed me...Once again I need supernatural strength..This is not something I can do on my own. I need you. I know you are able God. Help me to find my rest in you. Take my worries and shape them into prayers...you are my place of safety...

 

  June 1, 2010

Tonight in my depressed and broken state of mind- I know I've been ignorant and arrogant. To think I'm going to make in without Jesus. Jesus is my savior. Nothing I do has any meaning apart from him. Because of him, I have a reason to rejoice. To smile. To be grateful...Someone said "Solace is found within...” When I look within, I find Jesus. Still waiting. Wholeness is not found in a car, or with my boyfriend. Wholeness comes from Christ. Two scriptures have spoken to me this evening. The first one is John 6:28, 29 "They replied "we want to perform God's works too. What should we do? Jesus said to them: this is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he's sent." Most of my Christian walk--or lack of walking I've let it e about performing. But God wants me just to believe in Jesus....

     Jesus...Where do I begin? (My boyfriend) said he was coming over, but I know he's not, and it hurts...I feel like he's getting sick of me. Jesus, you love me far more than I love him-though such a love seems un-imaginable to me. I blow you off nearly every day. On one hand it seems ridiculous to compare a relationship with you to one with anyone else, but on the other...It's the only comfort I have...To know that there is someone who longs for me not as much, but far more the I long for him. Forgive me Jesus. Forgive me for rejecting you, and blowing you off when you invite me to sit with you, for pushing you away. Forgive me for the sin that has ensnared me. Jesus, help me to understand that the one truth that seems too good to be true- is the only ONE truth and way.

 

 

July 16, 2010

 

           Father,

Thank you for today. Thank you Lord that that the Son has set free is free indeed. Thank you for my freedom....Thank you Jesus for being who you are and making me who you've created me to be-Thank you that I am a new creation. Thank you Lord that you've helped me to choose joy. Thank you for peace. Thank you for the call that you have placed on my life and that I haven't been able to escape the purposes you have for me. Thank you Jesus for your relentless pursuit. You are worthy Jesus. You are my Lord and king. I've found victory because victory belongs to you and is my inheritance in you. You are my joy give, my portion, and my greatest love. Your Holy Spirit is my comforter...I pray Jesus that my relationship would surpass all my other relationships in intimacy, and that my communion with your sweet spirit would be more than ever before. I pray that I would have a boldness to share your gospel that I've never had before. I pray Holy Spirit that YOU would be my best friend. You are the lover of my soul. I don't need any other lovers God. I want to hear your voice again and discern it....Thank you Jesus. I love you. I stand back right now and give you the leadership position in my life again, so that where you tell me to go is where I will go. You are faithful Jesus. You are so good and I give you all the praise and honor and glory. Jesus I can't stay clean on my own. I need your help and your guidance. I just pray that you would have your way in me Lord. Have your way in my life, not my will but yours be done God. Thank you Jesus that you are healing me from addictions, and the love of the world, and replacing it all with unbridled passion for you.

 

 

New beginning

 

                          Father...

Thank you for bringing me back in and accepting me as your child through Christ, that I am not fatherless. Thank you for beginning to remove the desire to sin and drink, and engage in other things that are not what you want for me, and for my life. Thank you for filling me with the desire to seek your face and honor you with my body. Thank you for grace, and for peace that passes all understanding. Thank you father for hope, and for the work that Jesus did on the cross, Thank you for forgiving me for all I've done, and have yet to do, regardless of my efforts. Thank you that I can cast all my anxieties upon you right now in this moment God. Thank you that no matter where I go, or what I do, your truth remains, even when all of the earth crumbles and dies, even though my own world may shatter, and dreams and hopes, and what I thought would be....though all of that be demolished, your truth can't be demolished. You are still

The same loving, merciful God. Thank you for waiting for me with open arms for me to cry out, Thank you that I am not damaged goods; I am your priceless procession, fearfully and wonderfully made. I am a child of the Kind. Thank you for my friends, and for my church, for incomprehensible love, Thank you for moving in my life....Take it all God.

               "Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, I will confess my rebellion to the Lord. And you forgave me. All my guilt is gone!"

                                (Psalm 32:5)

                "I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God's power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God at God's right hand in the heavenly realms. “(Ephesians 1:19)

                   "So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free and don't get tied up in slavery to the law."

                                          (Galatians 5:1)

 

 

Prayer I wrote before clocking on for work.

 

 

                  Heavenly Father,

Thankyou for this beutifull morning. Thankyou forr the joy that's in my heart, and for the opportunities you give me today to share this joy of salvation with others. Thankyou for your word and your truth. Thatnkyou that you are renewing my mind and delivering me from destructive habbits Lord. God, I pray that you would annoint my hands and feet to work enthusiastically for you today. I rebuke laziness in Jesus' name. I pray that you would fill me with your fire...Help me to be a good example to others today, and glorify your name. You are all I want lord. You fill every need and make me qhole. Thankyou God for you faithfullness and for healing me Jesus. I come into your pressencce with thanksgiving and into your coarts with praise...I want to make your praise glorious today God. I want to lift up the name of Jesus above every circumstance God. Give me the heart of a peace maker, forgiving those who have offended me and rejecting offence. Take my supperficial faith and replace it with the faith that refuses to turn my back to your cause no matter what happens...I can walk through the fire, as long as I know your standing there with me, I don't want to try and walk around it this time. Help me to be a blessing today God. I want to focus my attention on pleasing you, and being devoted to you above all others. I seek your face God. I choose to love YOU with all of my heart, and mind and soul God...

Counting the Cost

 

 

                 Over the past weeks, My life has changed so much. When I was discouraged today, I whent to my Bible, which has been a daily NEED just to make it. I came to a scripture where Jesus is telling us to remain in him. It's in John chapter 15. I could feel Jesus just telling me to stay put at his feet. I'm experiencing a lot of lonliness as I make necessary adjustmants. The funny thing is I'm only now feeling the hurt...But Jesus is worth it. Having a fresh chance to live for the only one really worth giving it all for is worth it, and I know I'm not even beginning to lay down what Christ layed down for me. I have a couple of huge things happening in my family. I called my aunt tonight and she said...This Buddhist stuff isn't going to cut it...I prayed to God for (her situation) . My Mom is encouraging my prayer life. Again, it's worth it, to see my family realizing that the power they need, and the power that I need, comes from Christ alone.

Prison Praise

 

             Whe Paul and Silus were in prison, in bondage, They gave God praise. So. Jesus, you are Holy. You are the way, the truth and the life. You've given me the keys over death, hell, and the grave. You are the Alpha and the omega. No matter the task at hand, no matter the request, no matter the impossibility of victory, You tell us simply that greater things than this have you done. No one surpasses you in greatness, no one can even touch you in might. I believe that you died on the cross and rose in three days. I believe that there is NO god besides you. You are able. When I am week, and helpless, your strength is made perfect in my weakness, your blood cleanses me from every sin. You knew me before I took my first breath, you saw every moment of my life, and new the number of hairs on my head, while I was still nestled in my mother's womb. You are the one who is, and who was, and who is to come. You are faithfull. You are perfect. You are completely incapable of making a mistake. You alone are worthy. You alone can set captives free, make the lame walk, and the blind see. You are my answer, and my truth, I lift up your name, Sweet and Flawless Jesus. You walked like a lamb to slaughter, so that I could walk victoriously into life. Real life. Abundant life. Your ways, and the path of holiness are true freedom, in you I am free, no chains can hold me, because you've given me the ability to walk away from them. Death, and Depression have no power over my life, they were torn right along with the veil that kept us from entering God's pressence. You made a way. You will continue to make a way, and I will not believe what my eyes see, I will believe your promises. All Glory and Honor belong to you alone Jesus. I love you. I need you. Greater things than this have you done Jesus, you've fried much bigger fish, Your love is boundless, and I trust you. I will wait on you, because your timing is perfect. Your will is perfect, Your word is living, as alive and as old as you are, You knew no beginning, and you will Know no end, because you are eternal. Who am I to question you? Who am I to wrestle with your perfect plan, You'll just win like you always do.

Jesus Saves

 

 

                 It's hard to believe that a matter of days ago, the ache in my heart had me pinned to the ground...Suffocating me. Secretly. In a way I couldn't find it in my heart to discuss with my Mother, or my boyfreind, or anybody really. The pain was so deep...and yet I couldn't talk about it, untill I cried out to Jesus, and before I could get all the words out, I knew he was there. Because of Jesus...the un-doable, and un-thinkable...are possible. Because of Jesus, my heart is at peace with whatever has to happen. Whatever I gain, and whatever I loose, it's all ok. Because Jesus... Jesus is more than all of that. There is no love like his love. In all of his purity and holiness, he hears the cries of those who's breath still reek of alchohol, and gives an altranate place to run. Because of Jesus, rivers of living water will pour out of my mouth, rather than barf from my latest hangover. Because of Jesus, and the way he chases after the lost, and the hurting, I find myself laying on my bed with my Bible and Journal...The same Journal I considered burning, and the Bible I bought instead of getting my lebre' pierced. :) There are only Three piercings that will ever do anything for me in the long run...They were done with nails. I love you Jesus. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but I know that you are my Everything and you always have been, because no one ever left a greater hole in my heart...And nobody ever filled a void like you. Nothing I could do would make you less worthy of praise, and devotion. No pain compares to the pain that you suffered.You are perfect. You are the ultimate source of passion. Thankyou fo showing me that my butt is not the place for my head.

 "For I am not ashamed of this good news about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes...."(Romans  1:16) 

Jesus....

 

 

                 He's not just a mexican gardener folks. He's not just a collection of fictional accounts, and he's not just a really nice guy. He's the way, the truth, and the life, and I'd be a fool and a liar to confess anything less.