Jesus...Thank you for today. Thank you that I was able to go to church. Thank you for my pastors. Thank you for my job. Thankyou Jesus that I can trust you. Thank you that you have numbered my days, you know how many hairs are on my head. Thank you that you knew me as I was being formed in my mother’s womb. Thank you that you breathed life into me. Thank you for your grace and that you do not deal with me as I deserve. I worship you Jesus and lift up your name right now. You are Holy Jesus. You are Pure. You are the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end. You are my provider and my savior, my advocate and attorney. You are worthy Jesus. You are real and living. You are the one who is and who was and who is to come-Glory to you God...Thank you for the blood of Jesus that cleanses me from all un-righteousness. You are faithful and just to forgive my sins when I confess them to you. I pray tonight that my fervency would be for you will. Thank you Jesus that because of your work on the cross I am declared righteous. Thank you for making me clean Thank you that you have called me to offer sacrifices of praise...I praise you Jesus...You said you would never leave me or forsake me...Thankyou that I am not alone, that you Yearn and long for me Father. I need you. I can't get through this season, or even this night without you. I need your grace working in me. I need your Holy Spirit pouring out of me. I need your wisdom to make good decisions. I choose life Jesus. I choose you. Strengthen me to choose life and not death, your way and your will not my own. Make a way God. Fill me up with your Spirit. I slept with my boyfriend tonight...But I believe in your forgiveness. Strengthen me to make the right decision God. I'm scared. I don't want to live without him. Help me to trust you to fill my needs. There are so many things that I need to do God. I need to find a way to walk in purity and go full throttle with you. Thank you Jesus that even now you are filling me with an even greater longing for you. Teach me how to walk with you again. To be honest Jesus-I feel like I’m trapped right now. But I know the way to break out of this is not to sit back and accept my fate, but to praise you, and believe your word. Jesus I believe your word right now. I'm confused...I love him so much and don't want to let him go...but I need my love for you to be greater. I want to grow in you Jesus. I'm frustrated, and torn, and my heart hurts. I need your help and I need to know what to do...I'm asking now for your wisdom. Take my stupidity and lack of judgment please. I surrender my human perception, and pray right now for divine discernment Jesus. I pray for faith Jesus. Show me how to quit hitting these walls Jesus. I want your ways and your word and your life, your purposes, your will your desires, your motives and your agenda God...to absolutely consume me. Take my focus off myself and break my heart for the lost, even as I feel lost myself. Create in me a clean heart and renew a loyal spirit within me. I will not be ashamed of your will. I will not be ashamed of your truth. Purify me Jesus. Touch my lips with a coal cleanse my lips and help me speak things that are edifying. Make me humble and teachable....
1/29
Jesus thank you for grace today. Thank you that I am saved by grace through faith. Draw me back to you Jesus. Thank you for reminding me what real life is about. Thank you for the fellowship time I got to have with Katie yesterday. She has been such a blessing to me. Thank you God for blessing me with relationships with other believers. Thank you Jesus for the good day I had at work on Wednesday. Forgive me for having sex...when we were walking together, I was afraid to talk about you. I need the power of your Holy Spirit to make me bold again. I don't want to be afraid to open my mouth and speak your wonderful truth. Your word says that you have not given me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. I pray as I fast tomorrow you would begin to break my chains and equip me to stand my ground, to speak up for you, to live life according to the convictions you've given me. Father God, I pray in Jesus' name that you would give me the boldness...I will not worry. You will get me through this. Prepare me God for persecution and to be mocked and help me to stand firm in my faith through it no matter who says what, give me the words to answer...Help me god. I want a relationship with you. I want to be in your presence again, because in your presence is the fullness of joy. Bring me back to a place of passion, longing, not for what was but simply for a deeper and more intimate walk with you. OPEN MY EYES to see and my ears to hear God. Give me wisdom and understanding. Open my mouth to pray to you tomorrow...Thank you God. I pray all of this in Jesus name. AMEN
1/31
Dear Jesus, I was just remembering that night I sat in Erik’s kitchen-and I whispered that desperate prayer. There was a knife haning right above me and I wanted to take my life. "The mists of Avalon" was open on my lap...I thought I was away from your presence forever...But God you brought me back, you redeemed me...Once again I need supernatural strength..This is not something I can do on my own. I need you. I know you are able God. Help me to find my rest in you. Take my worries and shape them into prayers...you are my place of safety...
June 1, 2010
Tonight in my depressed and broken state of mind- I know I've been ignorant and arrogant. To think I'm going to make in without Jesus. Jesus is my savior. Nothing I do has any meaning apart from him. Because of him, I have a reason to rejoice. To smile. To be grateful...Someone said "Solace is found within...” When I look within, I find Jesus. Still waiting. Wholeness is not found in a car, or with my boyfriend. Wholeness comes from Christ. Two scriptures have spoken to me this evening. The first one is John 6:28, 29 "They replied "we want to perform God's works too. What should we do? Jesus said to them: this is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he's sent." Most of my Christian walk--or lack of walking I've let it e about performing. But God wants me just to believe in Jesus....
Jesus...Where do I begin? (My boyfriend) said he was coming over, but I know he's not, and it hurts...I feel like he's getting sick of me. Jesus, you love me far more than I love him-though such a love seems un-imaginable to me. I blow you off nearly every day. On one hand it seems ridiculous to compare a relationship with you to one with anyone else, but on the other...It's the only comfort I have...To know that there is someone who longs for me not as much, but far more the I long for him. Forgive me Jesus. Forgive me for rejecting you, and blowing you off when you invite me to sit with you, for pushing you away. Forgive me for the sin that has ensnared me. Jesus, help me to understand that the one truth that seems too good to be true- is the only ONE truth and way.